What kind of drugs are you on? Can I have some?

This last week I noticed on two different occasions people that seemed to be inhumanly happy. Interestingly, they were both people that worked as gas station attendants.

On the first occasion, my friend, "the Boy", and I went to get a beverage at the Maverick in Farmington in between mowing lawns. An astonishingly happy middle-aged woman greeted us at the entrance with probing questions of an impersonal nature. She was so happy and talkative it was almost offensive. We had been working extremely hard and were hot and sweaty… the last thing we wanted to do was to stand there and chitchat about the weather and other generic subjects with some crazy overbearingly happy stranger.

While paying for the beverages we tried to respond to her questions with as much enthusiasm and energy as she, but miserably failed to do so. We were tired and frankly we aren't the type of people to over due it in the social aspect of human communication. As she continued the conversation about how lucky I was to have a friend that would pay for my drink, (or something to that effect) we slowly backed away and slipped out the door while nodding in agreement, with the occasional one word response.

Even as the door closed after we exited the building she continued yapping at us. (So what time do you guys get off? Etc. ) After her voice was no longer audible I turned to the Boy and said,

"Someone woke up on the right side of the bed this morning."

The second occasion

I stepped in to a 7-11 on 3rd west in Salt Lake City just right down the street from KSL when I was welcomed with an unusual greeting, "Hey brother man." I proceeded to give him a nod thinking nothing of it, but as I was strategically picking out a nice refreshing beverage of choice, I noticed that he was saying it to every customer that not only was walking in to the store, but leaving it also. That meant that I would be getting it again on my way out. I felt disgusted.

Normally stuff like this doesn't bug me and I really don't even notice, but this clerk was very loud about it and not only was the volume of his voice high he was also saying renditions of the word/phrase, for example, "Hey brother," or "Brotha" or even, "Bro" and just when things couldn't have gotten any lamer he said, "Brother from another mother." Yes it's true he was actually saying that.

As I stood in line to buy the drink I couldn't help but wonder what his motive was, was he trying to be culturally dynamic by practicing greetings and salutations brought on by the African American descent? Or was he the religious kind with the assumption that we are all brothers and sisters from Adam and Eve, or was it, I don't know, humanity created by the big bang theory has made us all a big family in the cosmic sense? Who knows?

By the time I paid for my drink I was far too annoyed to question the clerk about his actions, I just wanted to get the hell out! If I heard "brother" or any form of it one more time I would pop! As I left the counter, the clerk said, "thanks my brotha man, come back anytime brotha."

I suffered a major migraine for the rest of the day.