While working in my office the other day I was visited by an astonishing young woman. To my surprise, she did have the right office and was indeed looking for me. Normally, incredibly beautiful women brighten my day and give me something amazing to dream about (wow that sounds kind of creepy), but in this case, the reaction was quite the opposite. I was humiliated. She was an associate producer that had changed the script for one of the stories in the ten o'clock show and was there to personally inform me of the change. Let's just say she caught me at a bad time. Her first glance was the book on my desk entitled "Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim" by David Sedaris (which was recommended to me by a close friend). The problem is that on the cover of the book is a naked Barbie doll. This gorgeous associate producer took one glance at the naked Barbie doll and gave off a look of disgust. That look of repulsion was seared into my mind and each time I process it, my self worth diminishes slightly. What could I have done to tell her that I am not into Barbie dolls and am not a sick weirdo pedophile? After she saw the book another form of embarrassment followed. Seconds before she appeared at my desk I had put a handful of sunflower seeds into the corner of my mouth. So when she looked at me I felt like a crazy old redneck, you know the kind, uncouth, uncivilized, chewing sunflower seeds and talking about biscuits and gravy while bits and pieces of sunflower spittle out the mouth. I blew my chances with this girl!
So then I was thinking, maybe she never did give me that look; maybe she didn't mind that I had a disgusting amount of sunflower seeds jammed into my cheek. You never know she could be a baseball fan or something. Maybe she didn't even notice the book or if she did, she had seen it before or even had read it!
You see how us poor guys think and act in front of beautiful and intimidating women?
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1 comment:
ha ha you and your sunflower seeds.
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