So what was it that this so-called Reptoid told me??
First thing, he told me that him and I weren't that much different, he explained that humanoids and reptoids both came from the monkey. And millions of years ago some of them chose to live on land while others were more comfortable living in the caves beneath the earth's crust. Humans then began to evolve into what we are today, and the reptoids began to evolve and to adapt to their living conditions.
He proceeded to explain that his race was in bad shape and were slowly dying out, and that humans were the cause of their downfall...
Humans? But why? What were we doing that could harm them?
By now, all of you readers are probably thinking, oh this "Rob guy" is just writing a social commentary involving a weird creature that lives underground whose entire Reptoid Race is struggling because of all the pollutants, chemicals, and poisons in the dirt etc…etc. Or, this story is just trying to make a point about saving the world from pollution, global warming, running out of energy, water, oxygen, food, rainforests etc…. Just more of that hippie, environmentalist, left wing, Al Gore propaganda, right?
Wrong.
When I asked how we could possibly be the cause of the decline of the reptoid race, he told me that we weren't using enough oil.
"You mean we're using too much oil, right?" I responded.
"No, not enough! There is so much of that stuff down there, and as our population increases our space needs to increase! But you people aren't pumping up anything anymore cause the gas prices keep sky rocketing! That is criminal! Everything seemed to be going so well, then came the problem with the oil and you people trying to clean everything up and preserve natural recources, well it's those natural resources that we don't want! We can't live and grow with that stuff in our way!! The earth was designed specifically for people to use, not to screw with your heads! All those alertists and crazies must be stopped! For the sake of reptoidity!!!
"You mean us trying to be green, us trying to save the planet, is harming you? That doesn't make much sense" I said.
He went on to explain that reptoids have a type of kryptonite (for lack of a better word), a weakness, something that keeps them from progressing. And this weakness is oil and natural resources that are found beneath the earths crust.
He said that we need to stop using hybrid vehicles, stop using the frontrunner and start buying up more oil. Stop recycling, stop "being green" stop wasting money on "organic" food. He told me that we should not worry about trying to save the earth, and that we should use up as much energy as possible. He then questioned the intelligence of humanity, and became slightly condescending….
"Do you people really believe you can do anything to save the earth? Do you think recycling a piece of plastic is really going to help? And those hybrid vehicles?! Common sense could tell you that it's just a waste of money! And this global warming thing that's got all you people riled up? Ha ha! You people actually believe you can stop the polar ice caps from melting?!!!! That'll happen millions of years from now, and believe me, humanity has much more important things to worry about than that! Please don't tell me that you are buying into the claims that the temperature is getting hotter every year?!!! Anybody can look at the records for themselves and see that's not true. It's pathetic!"
He then apologized for losing his temper with me…
"I know there is nothing you can do instantly about the worlds economy and oil problems, but please do whatever it takes!
Then came the scary part, the threat. Reptoids have the power to cause earthquakes, volcanoes, and tsunamis and if things don't get better, more of these so-called natural disasters will happen. He explained that, yes it was kind of a threat, but reptoids can prevent these devastations from happening, if the Reptoids all die then the earth would ultimately be destroyed anyway by earthquakes, volcanoes, and tsunamis that are normally controlled by the Reptoids.…. So in fact humanity relies on the Reptoids for safety without even knowing it!
When we both heard the frontrunner approaching he shared with me a last bit of advice, then he propped me up (remember, I was laying on the ground listening to this amazing creature's tale) and he dusted the dirt off my back….He then put his hand out for me to shake. I looked at it for a moment before I decided to give him my hand. He looked at me directly in the eyes as if he was looking into my soul and said,
"You must not forget our discussion. I am counting on you to take this information to the world. You must get it out there and make it known that humanity must change! And you're the one that will cause this great change, this reformation, this new beginning! I have done my duty here, and this is all I can do. But now I must return. You are a good man and I have faith that you will make it happen! The lives of not only my people, but also the lives of all humanity are in your hands!"
He then proceeded to slither away into the shadows…
I don't know if I'll ever see the reptoid named Obed again but I certainly will never forget what he told me…I ran back to the train station and jumped on the frontrunner and as I rode home I pondered and tried to digest the incredible information that this being had told me and the responsibility that had been put upon my shoulders…….From now on FOR THE SAKE OF HUMANITY....I will not ride the frontrunner, I will buy a full size hummer, I will waste electricity, I will not recycle, I will not be "green" or follow any of that crap. I will not worry about global warming. I will do all of this not for myself but for all of you, and for all of the wonderful creatures that live beneath the earth.
Please email this to as many people as you can! Take on this great responsibility by getting out there and making your voice heard! Do whatever it takes to save our future and the future of the Reptoids!
Ha ha just kidding.
PEOPLE ACTUALLY BELIEVE IN REPTOIDS!!!! GO AHEAD GOOGLE IT!!!
